Dutch ‘Onkruid’ yearbook 2014

by Eva van der Veen from Onkruid

Living from your true essence

Transformation to the now

Just in time, I moved my car. It’s not easy to find a parking space near Djoj Centre in Rotterdam. Because the parking lot of the supermarket is relatively deserted, I put my car over there. The man behind the bar of Djoj makes clear that soon the gates will close after 10PM and I can forget about my car for the journey home. Running, find a parking spot, and hoping I’m not too late for the interactive reading of Vera Helleman. The announcement promises ‘Connection in Freedom’, the game of conscious-ness.” In short, an evening of spiritual awakens through new knowledge, silence, energy transfer and exercises. All focused on the experience of who you really are. I’m ready for it.

In the hallway a few women murmur to themselves, “we must go to room nine, right?” I know I have to be there too, so I walk behind these ladies and together we are looking for room nine. We are not the first. There is a circle of chairs and before it lie meditation cushions. Participants have already taken a spot: young and old. She shook my hand kindly, like Vera, this is a woman with a warm and familiar atmosphere.

“What a lovely group, I’m curious what the night will bring” Vera said with a calm voice: “We start with a tune”. Everyone is listening to That I would be good from Alanis Morissette. Meanwhile, there are still some latecomers coming in. After the song everyone is silent. Vera: “You are taught to identify with anything and everything around you. There is a mechanism at work that makes everything “me”. I call it the “my – mechanism”, others call it ego. Unnoticed, the ego has been given the charge of your life, while it actually should be the servant. This is the basis of duality and suffering, because you are not the things you identify with.
See life as a 360 degree theatre cloth and you play on your stage of life, because you make everything personally, so you don’t experience life from your true self, but from the identification with the roles that you play. It is now possible to step over the threshold and discover who you really are: the greater consciousness.”


We are the light

According to Vera, every person has a unique essence and unique role to play. Hence of course, that raises the question of its own essence. Vera: “My role is to bring about the nature of the reality we live in, and understanding of who we really are, viewed from a non dualistic point.” Vera does this by guiding people in a total collaboration with their consciousness to a state in which the ego won’t interfere. She sees herself as a connecting link between pervasive consciousness and the actual reality. Vera uses her psychic abilities to tune to what still stands in the way of the other person to create an open connection to universal consciousness.

Vera: “We are all light. But in the course of time to come there are a lot of layers through which we can no longer see or feel the light. The natural order of the universe is always towards yourself. When you choose to live from the ‘self’ then no one else is more important: everyone is equally important because you realise that all is one. Everyone can reach this point according to Vera. Of course, it does require alertness. So many choices you make when you are unaware and it’s a challenge to identify your choices again and again, to go inside yourself for a split second and from there make the choice to be in connection with yourself.

Like the rest, I listen attentively, but I could not resist putting on my coat again as it is a bit cold. “The heating doesn’t work?” Vera asks. “Nice metaphor. We can only experience the cold, because there is hot. In this earthly reality polarity, we always experienced two sides, duality. But the person who experiences it is you, the unchanging centre” Vera says smiling. She helps us to find the noise in our connection with ourselves. “The light always shines, but the noise creates turbidity of clear consciousness. The noise lies in believing stories. It’s important to recognise this, because you habitually make a choice of which you are not even aware of in this mechanism. But the choice is there: to believe in thoughts? Do you choose the here and now? If you choose the last, you will connect with yourself; then reinforce your self in a loving way for you. So you lift the duality, because this self is in the layer of “no-side”. Almost imperceptibly this creates a sense of freedom in your natural state of being,” Vera says.

We do different exercises and Vera motivates us above all to become aware of what happens in each new NOW. “You’re going to sit back to back,” said Vera as she puts on music: “People are like drops of water, if it comes together, it melts together. Feel the energy between you, which is different in each different connection and each different moment. Feel how you notice the flow becoming easier and how the power you send gets a certain direction. Get used to monitoring of the flow of the now, without interference.”
Twice Vera takes someone from the circle and gives the person the task to stand in the middle of the group and conduct the tension that this attention gives to him: “Don’t run away from these emotions; don’t suppress it, but also don’t push it off.  Go to the centre of the emotion and let it come inside. Thus, these emotions get no space to secure themselves in our energy system. By receiving it mildly each emotion finds his way back to zero. The emotion is just an energetic vibration that comes and goes when you don’t make it ‘mine’.”


“It’s just one step”

“Once you have tasted unity, and a spark in your heart is lit, it’s a very natural, but not always an easy process,” Vera says. “Do you have influence on when this realisation takes place?” a young participant Asks. “From ego, you don’t, but this is the moment where ‘you’ are here, so ‘you’ wanted to be here. On the other hand, there is only now, the timeline is an illusion, so anything can happen now. So there is no fixed time when we reach that point,” Vera replied. For a moment the girl is quiet. “Yes, so it can happen at any time,” the girl confirms to herself. Again followed by a silence. “It’s just one step,” Vera says. “Are you the universal intelligence?” the girl asks. “When I talk about ‘I’, then I’m talking about consciousness, Universal Intelligence is in all of us. Attributing this directly to me, is incomplete. Because it belongs to everyone here present,” Vera replied.

At that moment something happens, I do not know what it is, but the space feels different; a kind of tension is in the air. “Do you feel that energy suddenly changes?” Vera asks. Then she looks at the girl and their eyes look at each other for a few minutes without turning away. “It feels like an opening, do you feel it?” Vera asks, the girl nods. “Why?” the girl asks. “Because it is not over there, but here, available to all of us

Later, Vera tells me that she saw that everyone was surrounded by a large circle in the golden light. “The group was lifted to another dimension. The way I talk is anti-ego, which means that all the egos in the circle will be invalidated and all the mechanisms that maintain it will relax. The heart and all the chakras are open and people get access to another dimension.”

I felt the excitement sure, but thought it was not a pleasant tension. Vera explained to me that I was too much in my role as a journalist, and I could not go “piggybacking” on the energy of the group. “The whole group went to surrender to the higher consciousness, your mind forced you to stay in your role and felt uneasy, the uncomfortable feeling is fear of surrendering to the ‘here and now’ and because you were so much into your role your ego is resisting very much, ” Vera says.


“From where do you live?”

Vera asks if we all want to look with the eyes of our heart, beyond our judgment and realise that we are one another. During the evening it strikes me that Vera often looks participants in their eyes for a longer time. Many people are familiar with healers who heal with their hands, Vera does this energetic transmission with her eyes and when she looks into someone’s eyes, her gaze directly forms a direct gateway to unity. She pulls the participant into another dimension. Sometimes she looks at my eyes too, but unlike the other participants, I move my eyes away. I do not know why, but I feel a little uncomfortable. I guess I’m not as far as the rest of the group, or maybe I’m still not open-minded enough. Some people seem totally in themselves, others are just one with the group. Vera allows us to ask questions such as; “From where do you live life?” From the desire for safety and security, or true to yourself?” Give us other ways of thinking and offer us a different way of dealing with life.

The evening ended at half past eleven with the song “This Could be Heaven” by Queen. Everyone slowly gets out of the room and leaves. Looking at their faces I can see the participants thought it was a magnificent evening. It has become clear to me that we really need to open up ourselves to the path of universal consciousness and that fear stops us from taking that one step. During my two-hour car trip back home, I am still trying to grasp what I’ve seen and felt. Vera clearly has a major influence on people. During the evening, everyone seemed to be open, enlightened and liberated.

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