Coming out

It happened after I heard in an interview about the childhood of a woman that was diagnosed with Aspergers. The enormous recognition made me do an online test on autism. I scored 100% positive.

This was the beginning of an official research and frantic search for information that I went through with a sharply cautious eye and a background of years of research on ‘the human being’.

You can probably imagine that I was completely in shock when I recognized myself in all the a-typical characteristics. I didn’t really question it, it was more like a deep confirmation, because so many pieces of the puzzle fell together. Especially in relation to the recent passing away of my father. But I also felt extremely relieved. ‘So maybe this means that I don’t have to be able to do certain things that I find really hard’. Because before, ‘I can’t do it’ didn’t exist for me, so my whole life I would face the things that were very difficult for me. And for sure, this brought me a lot! But I could take it a little easier on myself from now on.

With this insight, I could see my whole life in a different light.. and at the same time nothing changed, because I was still me. And for me, I’m just normal…and happy. It’s a strange experience when you find out you apparently belong to a group of ‘people who are different’, whereas in your eyes a lot of people around you are behaving unnatural. Fortunately, I’m quirky enough to not dive into that, and to form my own vision about autism. That’s why I started reading, because I couldn’t rest until everything settled again on the inside (a trait of autism ;) ). I gobbled up books, dissertations, articles on the internet, videos and magazines about autism.

Characteristics

In these books, I found three theories that are being used for understanding and diagnosing autism. When I read those theories and linked them to the behaviour of my autistic son, it  made complete sense. However, if I starting checking these theories from inside out, it seemed that they were missing out on something crucial. The reason for this didn’t seem to make complete sense. I also found listings of traits and explanations by those who had observed the behaviour of people with ASD. These were all pieces of the puzzle that clarified a lot, but also here the reason why was missing. It was finally clear what was fundamentally(!) different about me… or ‘us’, however this didn’t explain why this was the case. If I looked at that very clearly and observed it within myself, this was actually very obvious…

The hypersensitivity or on the other hand the lack of contact with the body (which is completely energetic). The taking of spoken language very literally (like natural facts). The one-sided interest (because you want to deepen your interest instead of broadening it). The inability to recognize the social game (and finding it silly sometimes). The stress of making choices (depending on the amount of pressure and the way in which it is demanded). The fragmented perception (however not random).. It all makes sense… as long as you include the missing link.

It is interesting that in the listing of the characteristics, it is mainly the ones that cause problems that are listed. You could also add the following characteristics: often very good in science (because we are looking from a point of view from the law of nature). Honest and sincere (we don’t have ulterior motives). Focused on creating structure (good in seeing coherence where nobody else can see it). Percentage-wise a higher intelligence (52% of people with ASD has an above average or high IQ, compared to 16% in neurotypical people, source: NAR). Always taking other people seriously..

I noticed that two things were structurally left out in the theories, from which almost all a-typical characteristics are derived:

  • the perceiving of the world from an energetic perspective and
  • the absence of the ‘I’-reference (not to be confused with self-awareness), which has a much greater impact than people think it has (in both a positive way as well as a clumsy way in our current social structure). Both deserve a separate article.

I was surprised when I got to know the ‘Give me the 5’-method, in which the who, what, where, when and how was added in the communication to make the environment and future manageable and understandable for autistic people. I realized that what I have used for years in my teachings, is to achieve true happiness, you should let go of the who, what, where, when and how. An odd cross-referencing: a neurotypical woman who helps autistic people function in the neurotypical world and an a-typical woman who learns the neurotypical human being to live from a point of view based on the natural law. With a lot of success, because I was able to explain the discrepancy between the natural law and mentally limiting rules. I could see it this way, because I wasn’t caught in it without point of reference of ‘I’ and I was firmly embedded in the ‘feeling’ point of view. My point is: We can take the best of both worlds… That is the good news…

This became my personal aim.

Carrying a label

It has surprised me that I only discovered about my autism at the age of 42. Apparently I have never been a problem for my surroundings. I never spoke a lot, you weren’t bothered by me. But like everything, this came at exactly the right moment, the timing of the universe is always flawless. I wouldn’t have been able to carry this label in such a mature manner before. My father wouldn’t have been able to cope with this. I had to become known as an inspiring figure first. This would have undoubtedly led to condemnation if you, reader, wouldn’t have taken Vera into your heart already…

The diagnosis has been an absolute enrichment. Self-insight is worth gold. If you feel something so fundamentally, you have to make sure that it will start to work for you. You need to work together with your personality in this world. It is your tool, the means with which you can manifest your desires. Being born with an autistic constitution is all-encompassing, you will notice it everywhere… That’s why I can say, proudly: ‘I’m an autistic person’. (For instance, I would never have been able to develop the vision of the eight categories of emotions without autism, without autism I probably wouldn’t have continued on my path so willfully, and my perception would have probably never become so precise). So I don’t feel part of a group of handicapped people, but born with certain characteristics that I can use. It is the perfect package to be able to do whatever I have to do here.

More and More ASD

We can’t deny the fact the number of diagnoses of ASD has increased enormously. You can see a large need for guidance: how to deal with people with ASD? And the other way around a feeling of panic: how to function in this illogical society? According to me, a lot is to be done in there and I feel a passion and loving willingness to help in this.

To respect both points of view.

To understand each other’s needs.

To learn from each other.

To enrich yourself with the good things

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"It has been my lifelong fascination to investigate why people say what they say and do what they do ... because it seemed so illogical"

Vera provides trainingsessions in collaboration with the Emotion Expertise Centre

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The Emotion Expertise Centre has the objective of transferring knowledge and insight about the meaning of, message, functioning of and dealing with emotions.
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