Awakened by

by Cindy van den Heuvel of Awakened by


In a busy Djoj in Rotterdam, I climb the stairs to the room where Vera Helleman presents her “Conscious Being-game”. And I’m curious, curious to what this night will bring. An evening with Vera fact doesn’t occur according to fixed rules or planning.

An evening with Vera is “being” aware …

The room is pretty empty when I enter. That’s nice so I can greet and also thank Vera in advance. Because somehow I know this will be a very special night for me. Through all the noise I’m quite ready for a big hello and I get out of balance when she touches me with her eyes. But it feels good. I find my place in the room where chairs and meditation cushions in a semicircle are on set and I look around me. One by one, people come in, all get a great welcome from Vera. Heartwarming and present.

Vera talks about consciousness, about now, about patterns, about life, about vulnerability, about suffering … About the ingenuity of our mind. She talks about connecting and releasing, or at least … letting go is something which implies that you need to do something … But you do not need to do anything. You just have to be in the here and now. And from there, the processes runs by itself, it’s the conclusion of what presents itself, in any way, without having to find a direct plan. It is BEING.

We do exercises in which we learn to behold; we are able to experience what we are not. She uses beautiful music and at exactly the right time and she touches you. She touches you with her purity, her eye touches your soul, your heart, it brings a processes into movement. You feel it coming, you experience them and they are welcome.

Connections are created in the room, between people. Hearts break open, the power drops to the here and now, there is a deep sense of commitment. I understand her, I understand what she’s saying, I recognise myself in everything she says, to me it feels like a warm bath … and when I let my eyes wander I realise that this information is multidimensional. Did you just step on this path? Then this knowledge, this information is so welcome, you look for your solution to what she told you, and you’re just looking for guidelines on how to put this into effect. When the information is not entirely unknown, then this brings recognition, memory, you are landing and you are bringing processes into motion. With Vera you will not receive more information than you currently can handle. And a deep breath leaves my body, I feel at home. I feel at home in this energy of connection, of being seen and seeing the other. And I feel emotions, bubbling emotions when I feel seen. I sometimes feel vulnerable, but that may be there.
There is room to ask questions and there is room for contact, there is room for laughter, for crying, for sharing, there is room for BEING. This evening will bring you exactly what you currently need, nothing more, nothing less, and that applies to everyone, including you.

When I get out of the room more and more pieces of the puzzle come into place, I feel at home again, at home with myself, and when I turn on my car radio a smile broadens on my face. Passenger’s record “Let her go” starts to play, it might not seem special, but for me it is. The nights for this evening, I have the song sung aloud in my sleep and dreamed about it several times. This feels like the right conclusion to what needs to be.

And I wonder if I should tell you about Vera more but after having met her , I know she does not identify with her activity, it has no value to her what the outcome is of what I write. She moves with the flow of life, she plays, in whatever way it goes. These evenings are her “giving”, in which she is simply herself. Even though for many she might seem the main character, for her you are, because you’re there. It’s being together with her that inspires and her open-mindedness that stimulates. It’s the sparkle that she brings back into your heart, so you can connect to yourself again.

And that is exactly what happens during these evenings. Connection. She touches you, touches the other at boundaries between people, boundaries between you and me disappear and effortlessly your conscious BEING emerges.

It is her magical sparkle, her playing, her ‘game’ of consciousness.

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